Jewels from the Dark

Approved. I have been waiting to see those words on my screen this entire year. And it is finally approved. ‘It’ being the amputation. I am relieved and hopeful and scared and terrified and happy all at the same time. Alllllll the feels.

So what do we do when we feel all the feels?? I take a deep breath, work to steady myself, thank God for this turn of events and then I sit with my feelings. All of them. The happy ones, the sad one, the big ones, the little ones, all of them. I do a lot of therapeutic visualization. For this, I set up a round table and invite all the feels to take a seat at the table. Everyone has space here and all are welcome – even the dark, scary, big ones. For the record – those are actually my favorite… I am more uncomfortable with the bright, happy, little ones.

I have spent the last 3.5 years in constant pain. Constantly having surgery after failed surgery. Constantly in limbo. And now I have a definitive path and a decisive ending. Relief beyond measure. Nervousness abounds.

But it’s a good kind of nervousness – the kind that motivates change and pushes you to move forward. The kind that looks at the uncertainty of the future and the unknown of oh so many things, and still feels a little bit excited about the adventure that lives ahead.

When I started my journey as a single parent 14 years ago, I came up with our little family motto for me and my boys. We move ever forward. And that’s what I have done for 14 years and what I will continue to do.

We move ever forward.