Category: Uncategorized
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Desolation and the Keening of Loss
Often, I find myself coming back to the heavier, deeper, darker emotions. Sadness, sorrow, melancholy, devastation…loss. I have been wrestling with these a lot lately and today in my Morning Pages1 practice, I processed a bit more about what draws me to these themes. Life has not always been kind, nor has it worked out…
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Silence Among the Ruins
There are times in my life when I crave the second noun form of silence – “absence of sound or noise: stillness.”1 This world is loud and seems to have only gotten louder still in recent years. I find my heart and body and soul aching for silence and stillness, especially as a mom of…
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Living Loss
I recently wrote a paper on grief and the idea of “living loss,” where the loss is not in a physical death of a person, but of a persistent, permanent loss of something or someone important. This type of grief can crush a person. Of this, I know full well. The last two months have…
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Who Do You Think You Are?
I have been mulling over these question lately, with all of the recent changes in my life: Who do I think I am? Who do I want to be? How do I become that person? It is sometimes hard to keep the proper perspective of who I am in the midst of so much pain,…
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Rise Again
Super short post today… This song is on repeat. NEEDTOBREATHE is one of my favorite bands. Deep breath…I’m going to rise again.
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The Bottom
“When you think you’ve hit the bottom, and the bottom gives way…” Steven Curtis Chapman I thought I hit the bottom many times in my life and many, many times in the past 5 years. Every time it felt like *that* was all the loss I could hold, I was handed another loss and the…
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Acceptance
Before my amputation in 2023, I went away by myself for two weeks to try to catch my breath and take a self-inventory of my life. I found that I was not in a place of acceptance. Not deeply. Sure I had accepted that I was hurt, that my hand did not work, that the…
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Grief. Sorrow. Anguish.
Countless times I sat down to write something in the last year. Countless times I got right back up again, unable and unwilling to feel my grief. How does someone even begin to process through so much loss? Especially when the loss is so……and there go any words adequate enough to describe it. Is grief…
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Lament
Sorry for my absence. I went away for about two weeks by myself before my amputation surgery. Then I chopped my hand off. Then I took two weeks off of work and dove headlong back into full time work, picked up a second job, and started my third semester of grad school. I simply…pretended like…
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How do you say goodbye?
https://youtu.be/uIakj3ud9dc Grief is a rat bastard. It likes to pop up and sucker punch you when you least expect it. Sometimes, it feels like it will sink you to the bottom of the ocean and other times it feels like that nagging thought that you are missing something. Today marks 6 years without my uncle.…
Jewels from the Dark 