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Living Loss
I recently wrote a paper on grief and the idea of “living loss,” where the loss is not in a physical death of a person, but of a persistent, permanent loss of something or someone important. This type of grief can crush a person. Of this, I know full well. The last two months have…
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Who Do You Think You Are?
I have been mulling over these question lately, with all of the recent changes in my life: Who do I think I am? Who do I want to be? How do I become that person? It is sometimes hard to keep the proper perspective of who I am in the midst of so much pain,…
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Rise Again
Super short post today… This song is on repeat. NEEDTOBREATHE is one of my favorite bands. Deep breath…I’m going to rise again.
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The Bottom
“When you think you’ve hit the bottom, and the bottom gives way…” Steven Curtis Chapman I thought I hit the bottom many times in my life and many, many times in the past 5 years. Every time it felt like *that* was all the loss I could hold, I was handed another loss and the…
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Acceptance
Before my amputation in 2023, I went away by myself for two weeks to try to catch my breath and take a self-inventory of my life. I found that I was not in a place of acceptance. Not deeply. Sure I had accepted that I was hurt, that my hand did not work, that the…
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Grief. Sorrow. Anguish.
Countless times I sat down to write something in the last year. Countless times I got right back up again, unable and unwilling to feel my grief. How does someone even begin to process through so much loss? Especially when the loss is so……and there go any words adequate enough to describe it. Is grief…
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Lament
Sorry for my absence. I went away for about two weeks by myself before my amputation surgery. Then I chopped my hand off. Then I took two weeks off of work and dove headlong back into full time work, picked up a second job, and started my third semester of grad school. I simply…pretended like…
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How do you say goodbye?
https://youtu.be/uIakj3ud9dc Grief is a rat bastard. It likes to pop up and sucker punch you when you least expect it. Sometimes, it feels like it will sink you to the bottom of the ocean and other times it feels like that nagging thought that you are missing something. Today marks 6 years without my uncle.…
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The Hope…and the Terror
Approved. I have been waiting to see those words on my screen this entire year. And it is finally approved. ‘It’ being the amputation. I am relieved and hopeful and scared and terrified and happy all at the same time. Alllllll the feels. So what do we do when we feel all the feels?? I…
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The In-Between
Do you ever feel stuck? Like you wish you could wiggle a little and move your life forward? Keeping with the mining theme, it’s like spelunking and getting into a ‘squeeze.’ I know nothing of actual spelunking, just to be clear…But I have read about getting in between two rocks or in between the entrance…
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Jewels from the Dark 