Jewels from the Dark

There are moments when grief demands attention – it locks in and breaks your heart wide open. Again and again. And again. It finds a shard of your shattered heart and slowly grinds it beneath it’s heel. It has found me tonight.

Often these moments when grief demands your full attention, we want to be anywhere than where we are and we want to run as far from the present moment as possible. Yet that is the gift, if we are willing to see it as such. I know of no better teachers of mindful presence in the present moment than pain and grief. I hate it a lot bit for that…

Tonight, I have been assailed by memory after memory of many hard and brutal moments of loss and precursors to loss. I am entering a season of old wounds and their “loss-iversaries.” It is my least favorite time of year. Typically, I would try to distract or minimize my feelings. But this past year has taught me that my body is actually “incredibly honest” and that I should listen more to the internal information it provides, even if I want to flee from the pain.

So I sit, hand over my heart and tears streaming down, and I feel my pain. I allow the memories to sit and hold court and be witnessed. I forgive my younger self (that includes yesterday!) for what I did not know or that I did not see until I learned more and faced reality. I give myself grace to not be perfect and to be human. I let myself feel and be and experience all this beautiful, horrible, painful, joyous life has to offer. And I acknowledge and accept the full demands of grief in this present moment.

Ceap do shuaimhneas, a chairde.

Disclaimer: This blog is for my own personal processing and does not offer nor replace any professional psychiatric advice or psychological therapeutic care. If you are struggling with mental health challenges, please seek medical attention, counseling, or crisis help.

If you are in a crisis moment, please reach out for help – In the US, dial 911 for emergency care or 988 for the National Lifeline. In the UK, dial 999 for emergency care or 0800 689 5652 for the National Helpline. If you are in another country, please click here for a list of emergency and crisis numbers.*